Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
