from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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