His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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