come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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