shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
