I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
