glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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