okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
