I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Non-Jews are for practice
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
MIDGETS
????
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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