be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
