Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I smell stomach acid.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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