This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
time to smoke my breakfast
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
