On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
