all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
