dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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