he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
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I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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