Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
