Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
