Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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