what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
