I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
