I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
