wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
