i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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