...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
