The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
