What did we do last night that was yellow?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Pants are for mortals
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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