I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
