weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
