I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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