Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
