So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
