Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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