That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
