do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Randomize
