I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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