Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i now understand why vodka
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
