1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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