Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
