Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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