thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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