So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
