I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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