I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
