as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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