There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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