If that was your dad, he is hot
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
