I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
