all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
