Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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