I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
