Where are you?
In a non slutty way
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
