we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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