Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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