so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
