As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
