When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
