my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
