i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
