Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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