White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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