Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
