420 ftw
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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