We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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