You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
