Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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