we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
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Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
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It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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