yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
